Today is August 19th, 2013 and I just returned yesterday from the best weekend at my folks' house about 200 miles away from mine. I mean, seriously the best weekend in the last few years. It was just them and I ... no other siblings ... no other family. And this post is simply about what I saw and how my heart felt. Nothing more, nothing less.
Poppy (Daddy) is 80 now, in fact just turned in March of this year. Mum is pretty close on his heals at a healthy 77. In the last few years, daddy has lost several of his siblings ... most recently the one he has always been closest to. Now he has no desire to live.
My daddy has always been one I look up to because he never quits, never gives up, no matter what. He began learning to play the piano in his mid-70s and he still practices at least an hour a day. He has Parkinson's so his hands shake badly, and he gets frustrated, but he keeps on going. He holds one hand with the other to stabilize it so he can hit the chords with four notes, the "7" chords. And I am proud of him.
Mum is one of my best friends. I love her as much as anyone else in my life and, truth be told, more than most people. She accepts me just the way I am. In fact, she frequently chastises me for "selling myself short" and worrying about what other people think of me. She says that I have always been one to "follow my own drummer" and I have to agree. I think it's more of a "follow my own road map" but it means pretty much the same thing.
My daddy has always been a big doer and a big reader. Most recently, he was reading autobiographies and we'd talk about them. Not deep discussion really, just chat about what he thought of the book and so on. This visit was different.
One morning while we were visiting, I asked daddy what good books he had read lately. He just mumbled "nothing. I'm not reading any more." When I asked him "why?", he said "what's the point?" and my heart was sad. I had no answer.
Two mornings later I set off for the drive home. I enjoyed the drive, it was nice and breezy with the sunroof open, not too cool but definitely not hot. My mind wandered back to that conversation and then on to other places.
"Since God knew what Adam and Eve would do, why did He ever create people? I mean, wouldn't life be better if we never lived it? " But then I thought "No, I don't really believe that ... do I?" My mind was in a turmoil. I wasn't sure what I believed in that moment, but THAT didn't feel right. "If God had never created Adam & Eve, and they had never fallen, who's to say that I would have ever even been around?"
"But, wouldn't you be happier if Danny had never lived than losing him the way you did?" the voice in my head went on to say. "Oh my goodness NO! I would never have experienced the depth of love OR the tidal wave of emotions that are loss if Danny had never lived!"
My conclusion, on that cool drive home was this: I can honestly say that I would rather love and lose than to never love at all. My life is so much richer because of the loved ones that have been in it ... here and gone. While I am mystified as to why God created Adam and Eve only for them to fall out of disobedience, I am glad that He created them. Without Adam and Eve, I am not certain there would have ever been a me. Without a me, I am CERTAIN there would never have been a "Dan the Man" and the world would have been a much darker, less colorful place.
Death is a terrible thing .... but the life that leads up to it is beautiful. Never forget that.
My prayer is that we will all learn to live our lives as the gift they are, not something that we are entitled to and can get a "do over" on. We only get one life ... let's make it count!!
