2010: "Eye See"

Wow, how time marches on. Whether we think we can deal with our grief and day to day life or not, time stands still for no man. Nor should it. At least, not yet. 

In 2010, we had been in Oregon a smidge over 2 years. Is smidge a word? I don't know but I'm sure you all smiled when you read it. And chances are incredibly good that you knew EXACTLY what I was talking about. Not sort of, or thought maybe you knew, but you honest-to-gosh KNEW what time frame a smidge consisted of. If you didn't, shame on you! Try to find that imagination that you apparently lost at a much earlier age than I!! *Just sayin...*

Early in 2010 I went to get a new glass prescription, and found that my eyes had continued to get worse each year. I expected it but it still annoyed me. I got the lens prescription filled and went home, complaining to Dave "I have had to wear glasses my entire life and I HATE them!" About 3 months later, sometime around mid-June if memory serves, I noticed that the new glasses seemed very blurry. Whether I was watching television or reading a book, things were just out of whack and I could find no reason for it. I went back to the eye glass place and they checked the prescription for the lenses and the prescription was correct. They looked at me and said something along the line of "We don't know what the problem is, but the lens prescription IS correct, so it isn't our problem." Well, I was miffed. I called a local (Portland metro) eye clinic and asked to see an optometrist. They got me in within a few days of the initial phone call and mere hours later, I was told that I had a full-blown cataract in my left eye. Out of nowhere. There is no family history of cataracts. I had not had head trauma or been in a serious car accident where I hit my head within the past 6 months. Out of the blue, I am asking God "What in the world did I do to deserve this? Can I PLEASE get a break? Just one!!" And I was angry. Again.

I was working at a job then, but my benefits didn't kick in until three months after this diagnosis.I had been told that they needed over $2000 up front just to consider the operation and then to schedule it. I remembered that our friend at the credit union in Alaska was always happy to help us when she could. I didn't know what else to do, so I called her. Here's a part of the conversation, as I remember it:  

Me: "I have to have cataract surgery on my eye and I have no medical coverage." Crying, I continue. "I don't know what to do! Dave still doesn't have a job and this is going to cost about $3800. Can you help me? Is there somewhere else I can go??" 

She quietly responds "I am sure there is something I can put through for you. You have been such a good friend and this is why we are here ... to help our people when there are problems and there IS no where else to go." 

So I called the doc and we scheduled the surgery for mid-September. When I went in for the pre-op checks and all, she checked my left eye and found that, out of the blue, IT now had a full-blown cataract as well. WOW!! All I could think was "How in the world am I going to take care of this now? How can Dave and I make this work, with the cost of each surgery coming in at $4000?" I didn't know. I wanted so badly to trust God, but this was stretching my faith in ways that it had never, ever been stretched before.

Dave made some phone calls and a Lions Club that we had started in Alaska came through for us and footed the bill for the entire second surgery a mere 2 months later. I am 100% sure that God used those folks to take care of me. He covered the cost of the surgery AND implanting new lenses in my eyes so I would never need glasses again. How incredible is THAT?? God IS good!!

After both of the surgeries were done, I noticed that my eyes were dry a lot and really hurt when I cry. The doc says that it's because of the salt in our tears but I think it's also Gods' way of reminding me that while crying can be good, it can also be used to stop me from allowing healing to take place. I want to heal. I honestly pray that God uses me to help others through this grieving process. 

I am tired a lot easier these days. Dave says he thinks it's depression but I think it's just plain old exhaustion from life catching up with me. Some days are still harder than others. I often feel older than I am, but just as frequently am struck by how merciful God has been allowing me to build friendships with people of all ages. I am happy that my health is good enough that I am able to enjoy full-time college. God is giving me the wisdom, strength and courage to fulfill my destiny. May you follow the path He has set your feet upon and allow Him to lead you in the fullness of following Him. Always remember .. YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE KING!!

He loves you. He loves me. He is, and always will be, the very best thing that happened in my life. He is the reason I love life. He is the reason I do my best to "live" life while loving and following Him.